My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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