There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
