And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
