I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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