i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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