Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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