I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
