he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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