Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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