Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
