Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think your dad took our porno
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize