Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
