I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
