I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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