I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
