you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
