Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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