I bet he comes in French.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
smell my finger.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
