the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we're so committed to being not committed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
