oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
