Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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