i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
