God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
