I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
