I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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