We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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