Girls should come with a carfax report
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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