I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
