It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
