Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
