there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
