At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
