I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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