call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
