Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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