i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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