i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
