just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
FUCK WHALES
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize