I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
