just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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