Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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