I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
