if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize