Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
