I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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