Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
