i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
