I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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