Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
