She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
