Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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