i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
