I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
