Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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