I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
