Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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