He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
