you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
