You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize